I'm gaining a lot of happiness in small baby steps these days. Today I realized that sometimes, you have to let people slip out of your life. No matter what they mean to you, or what you've experienced together. Sometimes their presence is more detrimental than beneficial. You have to know that you must do this, even if you love them. Knowing that some part of you may always love them. That love can never spring from a place of darkness. But that sometimes, you're love can be misplaced. It can lead you to cause pain to yourself, but love itself is never the culprit.
I also feel that I'm on the brink of some huge self discovery. It may just be something in the air, free radicals maybe. But I feel like a paleontologist on some ancient site, who just knows she's about to unearth one of mankind's greatest mysteries. An entire team waits around her with baited breath. Others anxiously join in the dig. But they all feel it. Something monumental is coming. All of this going on in my head. I'm excited for these discoveries. Even if it means unveiling an ancient species that was far more advanced than the human race. I'm simply anticipating tapping deeper into myself, working on expecting less and looking forward to the changes life will bring.
...always gonna love you though. Don't think I could stop, even if I tried. And believe me, I have. True love is selfless. It asks for nothing, it expects nothing...but i'm not there yet. I must distance myself in order to maintain.
"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."
- From, "On the Road"
"I'll wait. So show me why you're strong. Ignore everybody else. We're alone now."
(from "Retrograde" by James Blake)
From lover to lover. From friend to friend. From parent to child. From God to man. From self to self.
From self to self. It's this for me. When your friends have gone, where will you fit? Show me your strength, show me your worth. Prove it. Speak it. Do it. Believe it. Where do you stand? Where is your love? Your love of self? Any other love you claim is worthless, non existent, until you claim the first.
What makes you tall? What makes you proud? What makes you want to keep going, keep trying? A cause, a purpose, bigger than you. Discover. Envelop yourself in it, in all things. In all things that will make you grow.
What is your style? Where is your voice?! What are you trying to SAY?! You want to write? Then write! What are you waiting for?! Whose approval do you seek?
Everyone's. Everyone's but your own. Doing it for the wrong reasons. Reaping shitty crops. When no one is there, where do you fit? Find your place. Look inside. Find your place. Be at peace.